gee, last week went by fairly quickly, didn't it?

Geez, last week went by pretty quickly! Before I knew it, a week had past since my last blog posting. Real life got in the way of blogging? Say it isn't so!

The lanes decided to kick my ass on Thursday, with me bowling a huge 298 string. Yippee. The series started with a 106 string, but fell apart in the back 2/3 of the night...and I really can't figure out why. In retrospect, I'm just going to have the chalk it up to mechanics, and pay closer attention to my release and follow through this week. We'll just have to come back strong this week, but it'll be a pre-bowling week as I'm needed on Thursday at the ballpark.

However, the reason I haven't really blogged this week is the death of my computer. The old eMachines T3624 went to the great computer graveyard in the sky this week. It was an event that saddened me...that was a pretty good computer. Then again, it died prematurely...maybe it wasn't all that good? Who knows, but it was a pretty big ear ache to move everything over to the new computer (thankfully, the HDD was still fine). Hence, the absence.

The weekend was pretty interesting, with Sunday's big 1st birthday party for my niece. To say I was taken aback by the whole thing is an understatement. Now, before I go on my expected ramblings, please allow me to state to you, dear reader, that I do love my sister and brother in law. We're a close knit family that takes care of one another, unconditionally. They're both quite well off, with "Sis" being an MBA with a Hartford insurance company, and my brother a pharmacist. But yesterday was way over the top.

Upon arriving, we found a huge red and white tent set up in the back yard of my BIL's childhood home. Cars were lined up and down his street, and a monster bouquet of balloons tied to the mailbox (gee, we only brought two...). My son, who anxiously awaited this party, raced to the back yard, quickly took stock, and quickly raced back to let me know about all the food, drink, tables and chairs, etc. Come to find out, there were over 100 people invited to this party...for a child's first birthday...that she won't remember!

The food turned out to be catered. The gifts were piled extremely high on a table adjacent to the tent. Two pinatas were hung on tree branches, filled with candy. And an amazing number of bottles of wine and beer were available for revelers. I, dear bowling friend, immediately felt out of place.

Now don't get me wrong, I didn't decide to ask questions and be upset. I quietly carried myself around the party, chatting with my uncles and future parents in law (yep, the FIL was there...he behaved himself rather nicely). But I couldn't help but notice that father's day wasn't even mentioned more than once...by my BIL's father...quickly...during his 5-minute, highly rehearsed speech that opened the party.

To me, this is sad. Who was this party for? It sure wasn't for the child. Hell, the kid isn't going to remember any of it! But the adults sure will...as a great time for them to see people they haven't seen in ages; not to see my niece on her first birthday.

This caused me to consider, for most of the evening, my own upbringing and values about these things. However, to preface this, I must remind you of my upbringing. I have a highly liturgical background, with my father being a highly respected and well known UCC trained minister. And if you're unfamiliar with the UCC, many of the basic tenants of the United Church of Christ concern social justice (on just about any level), diversity, an open/affirming attitude and uniting all so that "they may all be one." This will, I hope, help to clarify the comments I had made concerning that huge birthday party my future bride was planning earlier this month (my "twisted morality" is far different from that of the average person on your block...we all know that).

I watched, in amazement, as this huge event unfolded yesterday. And I couldn't help but have an overwhelming feeling of sadness for a few different groups. While you might be thinking that I'm out to lunch for feeling sad about a birthday party, if you were there, you'd have been able to understand my feelings a bit more. Allow me to explain...

For a first birthday party, I would think that it would be geared toward the child and her enjoyment. A clown to entertain the kids, maybe? How about a local kid's entertainer to put on a little show? That didn't happen...you've already read my description of this party (then again, very few children were there...sad). This party wasn't for the child at all. It became apparent to me, very quickly, that this party was a method to show off wealth, prosperity and culture. Huge plates of Italian food, large amounts of wine, a birthday cake the size of Rhode Island (not to mention all the catered desserts, too). I saw several thousand dollars consumed by people who didn't pay one bit of attention to the supposed guest of honor...the child!!!

Going back in time a bit, Mother's Day was an event coupled with presents flying around between the women in the family...something that I've grown accustomed to. It seems that many in the family equate love to the receipt of material goods. The girls go out of their way to ensure that the holidays they choose are celebrated in grand style. Unfortunately, I've noticed this does not include Father's Day (not to mention birthdays, Christmas, etc.). Each holiday ends with the girls receiving piles of things while the men sit with virtually nothing. And while I'm not going to be materialistic as I have what I need and want, I find it sad to see the long faces when the wrapping paper stops flying.

Father's Day, I thought, was intended to celebrate Dad's place in the life of the family (whether or not the day was created by a greeting card company to sell more cards). In that vein, I figured that it would mean that, in each family's way, Dad would be honored. Nope...not today. A brief mention of the day was made, and it wasn't brought up again. And after the huge celebration of Mother's Day, this smacks as being hugely unfair, discriminatory and inequitable. Trust me, the gentlemen in the family noticed.

I remember, like it was yesterday, a lesson my father took great lengths to teach me as he was discussing the basics of Christian life with me. He took me into his pulpit and had me stand there, looking out into an empty meetinghouse from the same position he'd be in each Sunday morning. Once there, he went out into the church and pointed to a random seat, having me take a "good look" at it, establishing it in my memory. He then chose other random seats in the room, doing the same thing. Once finished, he had me connect each seat by understanding that each of them were the very same type and finish of chair. Each seat had the same shape, took up the same amount of space, and represented the same value.

After that, he had me imagine each seat filled. One seat would be filled with the mayor; one with a well known, rich town resident; another seat would be filled with a homeless man who found the church open one Sunday AM, etc. He'd then ask me to state which seat, now "filled" in my mind, which seat had more value or worth. And each time I answered, I'd be wrong. This is the exact moment in my life where my value system was created. The instruction...with the objective of the lesson being for me to understand that each seat in that room, and the resident of the seat, had equal value and place in the life of the church and therefore the world...has become the foundation for my world view.

Theoretically, we were all created equally. But we do not treat each other equally--in this family or anywhere else for that matter. And yes, I'm guilty of this, too. To watch the fathers in the family sit, knowing they feel slighted and less than part of the group, is disheartening at best. It's absolutely wrong. Possibly, this is me raging against the proverbial machine (like a good childhood Congregationalist should), but I couldn't help but spend the evening reflecting and wondering how it's come to "this." And while that notion still needs some running around in my mind, I'm wondering if I'll ever really come to an answer.

In the end, Father's Day was just another day where the feelings of a doddering, middle aged fool were set aside. I look forward to it every year (spending the day with Matthew and just "paling" around) and this year, it was taken away from me. And the other fathers in the family were pushed aside for the sole purpose of a needlessly opulent party for a 1-year old child. I'm saddened by this as it's just another callous devaluing of the father's place in families and in life. It happens all the time...yet I'm not so sure there's a lot I can do about it without causing a bitter conflict.

Still, I miss my dad. I really could use his wisdom right now.

Then again, out of conflict--many times--arises peace and understanding. But I wonder, does that hold true in things like this?