The Rich Are Different; They Have Bigger TVs

More than half the adults in this country identify themselves as being middle class.

Being middle class used to be a good thing.

Being middle class these days, it's an excellent example of not wanting to belong to any club that would have you as a member.

A new study says the majority of people in the middle class feel they are worse off than they were five years ago. The same study also shows that over the same time frame, the net worth of those in the upper class grew 123 percent. This is why I am thinking about quitting the middle class and joining the upper class. And for the record, I am not the least bit worried that being upper class will affect my happiness.

One of life's great myths is that money can't buy happiness. Of course it can.

I mean, if I had the money to go out and buy a 60-inch — no, make that a 70-inch — high-definition television with surround sound, and then could hang out on the couch all day watching it, would this not make me happy?

I rest my case.

So, who is middle class?

According to economists, if you make between $40,000 and $100,000, you are middle class. However, it is not uncommon for people who make significantly less, or significantly more, to also claim membership. Poorer people want to be middle class because it's better than being lower class. Upper-class people want to be middle class because they don't want others to know they have a lot of money. (Like we can't tell by how happy they look.)

Aside from income, there are other ways to tell if you are middle class:

• If you have a kid in college, no matter how much money you make, you are middle class.

• If every financial windfall you get is quickly matched by an unanticipated expense of equal amount, you are middle class.

• If you experience bladder-control problems when you hear the word "subprime," you are definitely middle class.

Despite the tough times, the study also revealed that the majority of people in the middle class are optimistic about the future. (Are there that many of us on pharmaceuticals?)

Another thing the study found is that most people today feel they are better off than their parents. And why wouldn't we? Our parents could only get three channels, and "I Love Lucy" was on one of them.